Music

Judas Skin   Run Time: 6:33

Written by Bill Mallonee for CyBrenJoJosh (BMI) ©1997

what is it you need to hear
it's on your lips and in your ears
if too much static or unclear
still still He holds you dearly

hound of heaven on your trail
keen sense of direction and smell
knows your need before you do
and when you bleed He does too

on my own again
on my slow dark train
how is it i am found
in my judas skin spinning down

what is it you need to know
you don't already understand
when You offer me a drink
i just keep You at arms length

what is it that i fear
why is it i don't trust
hiding out becomes career
what am i covering up

what is it you need to find
love Your Spirit working overtime
when i come out of my spin
and i see You're still my friend

Did You Know?

A personal favorite of Bill. In his words, it is "a song about cyclical depression and that God is there even in the midst of that even though we feel like Judas in our betrayals." "Judas Skin" was written at 3 am in a little dorm room at Calvin College when it was about 20 below and snowing outside. Bill says, "The song is the most confessional one I've done... at least the emotion at every performance, for me anyway, is almost to the point of shame or embarrassment... because I feel that's the kind of skin I dwell in frequently." The "dead air" at the end of this track is actually not total silence. The last note is held out the entire time until it fades into nothing.

A Review by D. Alan Hurst / Sep 2, 2001

"and when I come out of my spin
and I see you're still my friend."

Everytime I hear or sing or hum or think these lines, I break through the water into -- what? Air? The breathing is certainly easier. But what kind of air? Clean, fresh, unpolluted oxygen? No. Hell no. Because the air has a little bit of hell in it, doesn't it? But it is air. Human air. Holified and Hellified in such a way never thought possible. And that's all right. Which is what this song is about for me. Sure I screw things up, tear people down, break things apart, try to excuse myself, feel sorry for myself, even take my share of kicks and gouges. But when I come up for air. When I can breath again, all the sorrow and cruelty fall away like a cocoon and I catch a glimpse of whatever is above the water. And my friend is around there somewhere, though, more and more, I suspect he is in the water rather than above it. So, I go back down, screw up some more and hope the next time the air will be different. And if not? Well, it'll be all right.

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